Deathby Scott Garan on 11/17/17
So this is part of the posts I have been making about my journey through my CHF. As stated, to keep from boring you, I only share when I think someone may get something out of what I share. As indicated, I have a heart cath Monday and I have to admit I am scared. Everyone tells me how easy it is, but truth be told I am sure anyone that has went through it must have been concerned.
Now I am not afraid of dying as I literally feel I have been living on borrowed time for years. As a cop, I have been hit by cars, and had guns pointed at me among other things. In life I played rugby, been a SCUBA diver and so many other things that could have caused my death. Death does no scare me as I have made peace with my God. Hell, he has allowed me many things, including marrying Melanie whom I truly love, having a great second career as a personal trainer, having a great Masonic career, being a SCUBA diver and being in the movies to name a few, that I simply cannot complain.
The thing I am afraid of, is
NOT being there for Melanie or other people that count on me! All I can ask is that those that love me,
move on when I am done. I have loved
every minute I have been with each of you!
I have no concerns.
I think what is most funny about this, is that it wasn’t my Bible or some great Sage or some elaborate studies that brought me to this conclusion, but instead my animals. Today I was washing dishes and was looking out the window and suddenly my cat Jones scrambled up the drive in front of me, full of life. Jones at 11 years old doesn’t seem to care about how long he lives. Instead he lives in the moment and enjoys every second he is here! My German Shepherd Gus is my playboy! He, at 9 years old will literally play Frisbee until I force him to stop because he is breathing so heard I get worried about him. Brindy is the Pit that was emaciated and that had a broken femur that someone hung on my doorknob 9 years ago. We nursed her back to health and had her femur pinned to make it right. This little girl is my lover. When I am on the couch or in bed she is pinned to me, even after all these years.
You see, I think we humans worry too much! I am worried about life, but in the end THAT is not a concern. I had my fun! The only real concern I have is caring for Melanie and the one’s I love. I pray that I bought enough insurance for her and left her enough things to survive IF I would die, or WHEN I would die. Still, I want to be Jones and Gus! Make sure things are taken care of and then just go forward into life at full bore and TAKE IT!